Marty's Blog

“Experience is not what happens to you.  It is what you do with what happens to you.” – Aldous Huxley

The value of something is usually based on its availability in relationship to its demand. I wonder what the value of “Reliable” is in today’s world? It is clear to me that the number of reliable people, those who actually do what they say they are going to do, is in very short supply. What isn’t so obvious is the demand our world has for reliable people. So the question I am wrestling is: How valuable is a person who actually does what they say they are going to do? Sadly, there are so few people I have met throughout my journey who I can count on to deliver what they promise. I think the dialogue between two people, which might include the promise of doing something for the other carries as much meaning as the question of How are you? It is just part of the superficial interchange among people.

Sure, steroids are illegal, but that argument is terribly flawed

I read a great article by Mike Celizic this morning. I think this speaks volumes about our society, it’s problems, and the challenges many of us face who desire to live by a code of ethics while trying to thrive in a society that encourages results and not the means.

We’re a nation of cheaters. We chase wrinkles away with botox, get our stomachs stapled, our fat suctioned out, our noses resculpted, our teeth whitened, our hair transplanted, our assets filled out with implants. We fudge our taxes, swipe pens from the supply cabinet, take 10 over the speed limit, and scarf down pills and potions for everything from restless leg syndrome to erectile dysfunction.

There’s very little some of us won’t do to get an edge. How many amateur golfers follow every rule of the game, or even know them? If there’s a racket or a club or a ball that will help us get more power and distance, we’re all over it. If we play rec-league basketball, we grab jerseys, throw elbows, do anything we can get away with to win.

To get through finals, we take pills that keep us awake. We lift passages off the Internet and stuff them in our term papers, conveniently forgetting to put quotation marks around them or to mention that the writing is not our own. We steal co-workers’ ideas and pawn them off as our own.

But, dammit, our athletic heroes better not cheat.

Does anyone detect a note of hypocrisy in this? Does anyone who reviles Barry Bonds as a cheater admit to even the tiniest flaw in his or her own personal code of ethics? Do any of us stop to consider that Bonds, who has never tested positive for any banned substance, isn’t doing anything that just about every one of us has done at one time or another?

Those are rhetorical questions, so don’t bother answering. We’re not very good at introspection, anyway. Our own flaws are never flaws, and even if they are, what the other guy is doing is a lot worse, and everything’s fair in love in war.

So we start our day with something to wake us up, brush our teeth with something to make them artificially brighter, maybe use a shampoo that makes the gray go away, spend a little extra time on the comb-over. If we’re women, we boost this, cinch that, wash, condition, blow-dry and spray our chemically-colored hair, spackle over the blemishes, climb up on miniature stilts and then go out to rail against the artificiality of everyone else.

But Barry Bonds is evil incarnate. And, gee, so many ask, looking at the world with vision made better than perfect by laser surgery, why would he do it?

Because, I keep hearing when I raise these perfectly valid points to those who claim that their faith in sports has been crushed by baseball’s drug scandal, steroids are illegal.

Well, what about all the pitchers who threw spit balls, shine balls, emery balls, cut balls and scuffballs? I ask. They broke the rules of the game. Any baseball player who was doing ’roids or HGH before 2002 didn’t break any of baseball’s rules, I say.

“Steroids are illegal,” they say before hopping in their cars and driving away at 15 more than the limit with the cell phone stuck to their ears and their seatbelts unbuckled — all so they can beat the other schmuck who’s obeying the speed limit and get an leg up on a business deal over the dolt who won’t use his phone in the car.

’m sorry, but it doesn’t work. Illegal and immoral are no more synonyms than are legal and ethical. This isn’t about the law; it’s about what’s right.

If I were writing 100 years ago, I could climb up on my soap box and defend a lout who beat his wife and kids with a stick as having done nothing illegal — as long as the stick wasn’t too big. Fifty years before that, I could congratulate someone who turned in a runaway slave as a law-abiding patriot. And in Nazi Germany, if I had protected a Jew, I would have been a criminal.

In all of the above cases, I would have behaved immorally, but I would have been obeying the law.

But that’s too long ago for a lot of folks, so let me try another one. Until 2003, when the U.S Supreme Court struck down Texas’ law against sex between people of the same gender, there were still nine states that said that heterosexual oral sex was a crime — in some cases a felony — even between married couples. If you lived in, say, South Carolina or Maryland and had oral sex before 2003, guess what? You’re a criminal. And if you’re old enough to have enjoyed a roll in the sack before 1960, you are almost certainly a criminal, because until then, every state in the union had a law against oral sex. And I’m willing to bet you don’t even feel guilty about it.

We’ve got laws against a lot of things that aren’t particularly harmful to the republic for no other reason than that somebody thought that others were having too much fun. So we can’t smoke marijuana, but we can take dozens of prescription meds that come with more warnings than a chain saw.

The movies can be very insightful. Every once in a while some great lines are delivered by great actors and they become embedded into my soul. They touch upon some character ideals that are longed for but seem lacking in our society.

Two (2) that come to my mind are delivered by Al Pacino in “Scent of a Women” and by Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men”.

Al Pacino as a Blind and Angry Lt. Col. Frank Slade speaking to his young college sight chaperone: It’s all right Charlie. You break my heart son. All my life I’ve stood up to everyone and everything because it made me feel *important*. You do it… because you mean it. You’ve got integrity Charlie. I don’t know whether to shoot you or adopt ya.

An inexperienced Navy lawyer, LTJG Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise) successfully attempts to prove that Col. Nathan Jessep (Jack Nicholson), the base commander and a powerful senior Marine officer, ordered the “Code Red” by subtly provoking Jessep and causing him to voluntarily confess the truth in court in a moment of anger. What is revealed is Jessep’s twisted sense of truth, honor and loyalty.

Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee I think I’m entitled to them.
Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I want the truth!
Jessep: You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives…You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use ’em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way.

As I begin my historic day of blogging, two (2) ideas come to mind. These profound tidbits of wisdom were shared with me many years ago by friends who believed these truths of life to be self evident. The older I get the more I understand the genius in these statements.

1. The only thing in life that makes sense is that nothing makes sense.

2. If you want to be assured of finding appreciation, always carry a pocket dictionary.

For most of us these tenets seem to conflict with our basic needs as human beings. We are raised to believe, or maybe it is we want to believe that there is a certain order in life and that the relationship between people and the actions of people are supposed to make sense. And even more than being compensated by money, we also have the desire and expectation to be recognized and appreciated for who we are and what we do.

We seem to live in a society that rewards flash over substance, and activity over accomplishment.

Life has become a sprint race from birth to death. We are becoming more like the tools of the technology we use to help us multi-task and get through the day faster. It is always on to the next item without taking the time to reflect and savior the experience of the journey. The result has become the priority, not the process.

The irony for me at this point in my life, is that while I am consciously trying to embrace life to its fullest and frequently express my gratitude for all that I have, the joy is ephemeral. Life is like grasping a hand full of sand to enjoy the individual grains. No matter how delicately I try to capture the greatest amount of sand, most of it seems to slip through my fingers. I am regularly frustrated by my perception of the consistent acceleration of time. Every day time seems to move a little faster than the previous one. It’s an amazing thing!

In successful selling, in spite of all the pressures we face, having patience and a faith in the process is critical to achieving the  desired outcome.  We need to be grateful for all of the things we can control and for doing the best we can.