Perils of a Prodigy

On Thursday, June 25, 2009 The World lost an Icon.  Michael Jackson was an amazing talent.  But he also had his deamons and his parasitic enablers who accelerated his demise.  Eugene Robinson’s article captures this in the following article.

Michael Jackson: Brilliance, Ill-Used

By Eugene Robinson

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Many performers can impress or delight, but only a few can astonish. Michael Jackson did it twice. The first time was October 1969, when the hit single “I Want You Back” introduced a cherubic 11-year-old boy who sang with unbelievable maturity, soulfulness and swing. The second was March 1983, when the prodigy — now grown tall, thin and angular — moonwalked through an electrifying “Billie Jean,” leaving a national television audience slack-jawed at how effortlessly he defied the laws of physics.

Jackson’s personal trajectory, though, was excruciating to watch. I’ve never put much stock in the idea that genius always devours those whom it favors. Jackson had flaws and weaknesses, to put it mildly, but so do we all. Money and celebrity make it possible for the rich and famous to succumb to their worst instincts. The blood-sucking parasites who surrounded Jackson all his life made that surrender not just possible but inevitable.

From the beginning — from the moment when Joe and Katherine Jackson decided to mold their children not into a family but into an act — Michael was the meal ticket. No offense to Jackie, Marlon, Tito and Jermaine, but if they had auditioned for Motown’s Berry Gordy Jr. as the “Jackson 4,” he’d have sent them back to Gary, Ind., on the next bus. Michael was the star.

Jackson once said his father used to beat him, perhaps because he was the “golden child.” Joe Jackson has always denied being physically abusive, but in a sense it doesn’t matter. It seems to me that attaching oneself to one’s young son like a leech and denying that boy any semblance of a childhood qualifies as abuse.

Jackson once spoke in an interview of working late into the night in a studio across the street from a playground — and crying because he wanted to be playing on the swings and the slide, not singing the same song into a microphone again and again.

On the road, Michael didn’t spend time with boys his age. He bunked with his older brothers, who were past puberty — and who, quite naturally, had a keen interest in the groupies who would accost them backstage and ask to come up to the room. It’s not a stretch to imagine that Michael might emerge with some confused ideas and feelings about human sexuality.

When Michael set out on his own, he was able to make his own decisions for the first time. But he had had no practice in making decisions, and while the career choices he made were superb — the albums he made at the beginning of his collaboration with uber-producer Quincy Jones, “Off the Wall” and “Thriller,” are towering classics — his personal choices were incompetent, unwise and increasingly bizarre.

The worst choice, of course, was the way he frolicked with children at his Neverland ranch. Jackson was acquitted of child molestation charges, but he also paid a reported eight-figure settlement to the family of one alleged victim. Let me be clear that no childhood trauma would excuse molestation. My question, though, is where were the staff members and the agents and the hangers-on — and the loving family members — who had an inkling that all might not be right at Neverland? Did they choose to look the other way?

I believe Jackson’s story that he suffered from the skin disease vitiligo — though I don’t believe that vitiligo or any other infirmity was the reason for the disfiguring plastic surgery that turned his face into a pale, taut mask. It had to be self-hatred — not necessarily an attempt to make himself “white” but to make himself hideous.

I also believe his story that he became dependent on painkillers while recovering from the accident in which he was badly burned while making a Pepsi commercial. New-age guru and author Deepak Chopra, who considered Jackson a friend for more than 20 years, told CNN on Friday that Jackson was a chronic abuser of OxyContin, Demerol and other heavy-duty drugs.

Others were in the house where Jackson stopped breathing, including the entertainer’s personal physician. At the time of his death, Jackson was trying to push himself through an arduous rehearsal schedule to prepare for a 50-concert extravaganza in London — 50 grueling concerts at 50 years of age. He was weary. He was in pain.

Jackson’s sycophants cared only about keeping the meal ticket happy. Even if only in self-interest, they should have cared more about keeping him alive.

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Reflection On My High School Sports Participation

On May 16, 2009 I was inducted into my high school’s athletic hall of fame.  The following is my short acceptance speech.

I am so grateful to the West Islip Athletic Hall of Fame Committee for this honor and for giving me the opportunity to stand before my family (Marguerite, Troy, Alexandra and Nicholas in spirit and my dad) and share with them a glimpse into my happy past where that experience is responsible for not only the person I have become but I’m sure indirectly has had a profound impact on them as well.  Thank you!

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Words cannot express how awesome it is to see Coach Butler, Coach Nagengast, Coach Smith and Coach Moore.  You put a smile on my face and in my heart. You all look fantastic.  The lessons you taught me on the field & in the gym have carried me through life.

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I only have a few minutes but I would like to take this moment to share with you some of the wisdom I have accumulated since I graduated from the Class of ’74, 35 years ago. 

I have the happiest of memories growing up in West Islip because I loved playing sports.  I was fortunate to experience success because I was able to do what I loved with people I treasured.  My teammates were my friends.  And I could always count on seeing my parents and my grandfather in the stands.  They were fixtures at all my games.

 As happy as I was playing sports, it took becoming a parent to know that nothing is better than watching someone you love participating in something they love to do.  That is pure joy!

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One last important observation.  I was lucky to be a part of several championship teams.  But there was one award we achieved that wasn’t as glamorous as winning the Suffolk County Championship in Soccer.  But I now know how special “ The Sportsmanship Award”  was.  And what an appropriate tribute to Coach Moore who taught me that the measure of being a success in life is not whether you win or lose but it truly is how you play the game!   THANKS AGAIN!

 

 

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People are either a Thermometer or a Thermostat. Which are you?

Are you a thermometer or a thermostat?

According to Charles Swindoll, a thermometer merely registers what is around them.  If the situation is tight and pressurized, they register tension and irritability.  If it’s stormy, they register worry and fear.  If it’s calm, quiet and comfortable, they register relaxation and peacefulness.

People who are a thermostat regulate the atmosphere. They are the mature change-agents who never let the situation dictate to them.

The good news is that people can learn to become a Thermostat.

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Success versus Happiness.

I heard a great definition about the relationship between success and happiness which is all about our choice of attitude.

Success is getting what you want.  Happiness is wanting what you get!

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A look back from a 2000 perspective on our “Money” Culture

Back in January 2000 I saved a very poignant and well articulated article from MSNBC. Maybe our current financial mess is a consequence of our “Money Culture”.

In these times of instant fortunes and tremendous wealth, living a good life is banal and enough is never enough. MONEY LUST, our obsession with personal wealth has bankrupted our quest for the common good. A preoccupation with getting rich quick has defined the last years of the 20th century and continues to define the first days of the 21st. On television, it seems that every commercial break, even from the most vapid and moronic programming, has at least one advertisement for online investing. Somehow, these ads always make me feel like an idiot for actually spending time reading a book or thinking instead of hunching over my computer screen buying and selling stocks. Even worse is the avalanche of financial networks and internet sites constantly flashing stock quotes and presenting a succession of financial “experts” whose credentials seem to consist of having made a few bucks telling us where to spend our hard-earned dollars. The pitch seems tailored to the average hardworking person who’s terrified that judicious savings, responsible investment through a pension plan and mere human planning simply won’t cover it when retirement time comes. Nowadays you can’t even flip through a fashion magazine and snicker while looking at emaciated models wearing uncomfortable looking outfits you’d never be seen in public without being dot-com’d to death. Discard that denial, girl! It’s not that the clothes often look ridiculous and are always over-priced, it’s that you’re a loser and can’t afford them not to mention the price of the prescription drugs, diet pills and cosmetic surgery it would take the average woman to obtain a body to fit into them. ENOUGH IS NEVER ENOUGH All people talk about is money; how much you made, how much more you’d like to make, and the better life you’d have if you just had more cash. It’s hard to even go out for a walk and commune with nature without encountering a billboard or bus plastered with an ad for on line trading or an advertisement for “Who Wants to be a Millionaire,” “Twenty-one,” or “Greed,” all television shows about getting rich quick. Hanging out with friends, most of whom are successful people by rational standards who definitely aren’t living from check to check or worrying about where their next meal is coming from, all the talk is about money: how much people made, how much more they’d like to make, and the better life they’d have if they just had more cash. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not denying that living well is important, I’m just troubled by what we define as “well” these days and to what purpose?

The obsessive pursuit of mo’ money, mo’ money says something deeply disturbing about the values of the culture we live in, namely that the satisfying of individual desires, however extreme, is far more important than contributions to the collective good. We think that somehow if we accumulate enough cash we can buy ourselves out of a culture fraught with violence, an inadequate public education system, racism, sexism, homophobia, the destruction of the environment and a struggle between church and state disguised as family values vs. big government, to name just a few of the problems confronting us.

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Happiness is a matter of Choice!

According to Charles R. Swindoll, The pursuit of happiness is a matter of choice…it is a positive attitude we chose to express. It is not a gift delivered to our door each morning, nor does it come through the window.  And it is certain that our circumstances are not the things that make us joyful.  If we wait for them to get just right, we will never laugh again.

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If you want to live a life filled with joy, you have to give.

This is a universal principle. If you want to live a life filled with joy, you have to give. Giving is the key to prosperity. Giving is the key to joyful living.

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” – Winston Churchill

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Remembering My Mom “It’s a Dirty Job But Someone Has To Do It!”

In two days, on 12/9 my mom will have been gone 8 years.  Before she passed away, Mom who was very creative constructed a book of family history as part of her legacy.  It included a variety of essays and recollections from family members.  Included is a short story I wrote.  It was written in late 199o while living in Charlotte, NC.

It’s A Dirty Job, But Someone Has To Do It!

Last month I experienced something new! As we say in the broadcast advertising business, I left a demo. No longer will I be a target of those advertisers trying to reach the 10-34 year old consumer. Yes, I just turned 35! Not that this has anything to do with what I’m about to share with you, except a belated “Happy Birthday”, would be nice.

But, what being 35 did do was that it forced me to reflect back on my life.

Now, I’ve been fortunate to have experienced my fair share of life’s offerings. I’ve been taught to expect the unexpected. I’ve also learned not to over think things in life, for sometimes things just are and stuff just happens!

My wife, Marguerite is due with our second child in early April. Our son Nicholas will be one month short of 3 years old by then. I can recollect vividly Nicholas’ birth, and his transformation from infant to toddler to little boy.

Marguerite had organized two photo albums called, “Nick’s Books”: which is a pictorial chronological history of Nicholas. We are always reading these with him. This has helped embed in my memory his rapid development.

Some parents might remember their child’s growth by their mobility. The first time they crawled, then stood up, and finally when they first walked. Others might retain the first moments of a child’s sound, then the first word that was uttered, and finally when they actually began to talk.

I, on the other hand have become an authority on “Pampers”, “Huggies” and “Luv’s” . Unless you’re a parent and have actual “field experience”, you can’t possibly in a million years relate to changing diapers! Not only at home, but in the car, shopping centers, restaurants.. You name the place, they got to go. Let me share with you some of what I’ve learned.

Infants need to be changed regularly, they usually have very regular and I might add,small movements. It’s always a celebration when they only have their once a day! When Nicholas was a baby, I remember the most important
questions I’d ask Marguerite on the phone was “Did he go”? or she would call me up and the first thing she’s say was, “Hi honey, Nicholas just had a dirty diaper!” You have to understand, these words would pick me up for the rest of the day.

As they get older, their “performance” will alter, depending on their daily nutritious intake. If raisins worked for me the way they affect Nicholas, I’d be a very content and very “regular” type of guy.

If per chance your proboscis misses this malodor his scream of discontentment will signal his need for a change. Geographical location is of no consequence. Fortunately, Marguerite is the mistress of location diaper changing.

The goal of all parents is to eventually “potty train” their child. Because we don’t want to be the cause of our children winding up in therapy later in their life, in time they usually “potty train” themselves. We are just there for encouragement. If you thought about some of your child’s behaviorisms during this process you’d go insane.
Nicholas will not flush away his business until both mommy and daddy see his accomplishments. Makes sense to me.

I would hope all parents would feel about their children as I do. I think Nicholas is the BEST! Sometimes, because of his strong personality he can be a pain in the butt. He always has to do what daddy does. “I don’t want to make in the little potty. I want to use the big potty, like daddy. Can you imagine visualizing a little boy, sitting on a commode?  That’s like us trying to go atop a wheel barrow. It sure is a funny sight. Fortunately, he hasn’t fallen in, yet.

Have you ever been in a situation that was embarrassing and you couldn’t believe it was happening to you? You wished it to go away by closing your eyes, but only direct action by you would solve and eliminate the problem. You were in the wrong place at the right time.

Last week, I experienced a first. I met Marguerite and Nicholas at a restaurant for dinner one night after work. It wasn’t crowded. We were seated in the back booth, close to the restrooms, where the lighting was soft. The restrooms were guarded by a swinging door. We were surrounded by several other families.

Most nearly 3 year old boys can’t sit still, especially in restaurants, and especially Nicholas. I guess Marguerite and were just in an S&M mood! Half way through our entree we let Nicholas leave the table and cruise the restaurant. He was more unruly than usual. There was a jukebox on the opposite side of the restaurant, a place that benefited from Nicholas’ generosity with quarters. We just assumed the music machine would get even richer tonight. He chose however to go through the swinging door and greet the people as they entered the restrooms.

After we finished our entree, Marguerite and I had a taste for hot apple pie a la camode. I mean a la mode. After we ordered, a man had asked Nicholas if he wanted to go into the men’s room. Nicholas said yes”. I immediately got up and joined him.

So now I’m in the men’s room with Nicholas. He’s dying to try out the big potty”. What’s a father to do? I stand him on the counter top, take off his sneakers, then his pants and finally his diaper. I now put Nicholas on the seat when he tells me to shut the door and wait. I sneak outside, grab a bite of the pie and am informed by Marguerite that she doesn’t have another diaper. I figure, OK no big deal!

I return back to the men’s room and Nicholas is still inside the stall, refusing to come out, even though he has accomplished his mission. Now, not only did I not have a great deal of patience, one because this was now becoming an ordeal, but my also my dessert was melting and being devoured by a 7 1/2 month pregnant woman.

I knew the more I tried to coax Nicholas out, the longer he’d sit. This was his game! Ten minutes later he exists the stall, I put on his pants, sans diaper and then his shoes. I reminded him that he did not have a diaper on and to try and hold it in ’til we got home. A major mistake. I just planted a subconscious NO NO in an almost three year old.

We washed his hands and began to leave when Nicholas sees the urinal and asks what it is. I told him that, it’s where the big boys make pee pee. WRONG ANSWER!

Now he has to test it out. Well, I pull down his pants and tried to help him by lifting him over the urinal, but he had to do it by himself. I obviously didn’t want him to climb on top of it, so once again we went through the tedious process of undressing him in preparation of going to the bathroom. First his sneakers, then his pants… By his time my irritation level was very high. After a couple of minutes, Nicholas had his first urinal experience. I was then able to redress him, pay the bill and finally head home.

The piece de resistance to the whole evening was as we joined Marguerite, I was to find out that our whole conversation was being listened to throughout the restaurant.

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Is it considered cheating if you aren’t caught?

I was indoctrinated early in my collegiate soccer career to the illegal but very effective technique of grabbing one’s opponent’s shirt and shorts to gain the competitive advantage. This was actually considered an acceptable action as long as the official didn’t see it. Was this considered cheating?

In a society where a person is judged a “success” primarily based on results, the fabric of that society will be adversely affected.

Many of us are challenged everyday with the decision  between surviving and compromising our core values to survive.  Often times, it seems it would be easier if we weren’t bound by such values.  And yet those values are what define us as individuals.

What if the playing field is real life?  Due to a financial calamity beyond your control bills aren’t being paid and you are in danger of losing your home.  Many of the problems are a result of big corporations who have made their fortunes by gaming a broken system.  They played by a set of rules that allowed them to legally do unethical things because the mandate to make money was their mission and an accepted part of our culture.

It is at this point in one’s life where the true character and moral compass is tested.  Thank goodness for the gift of faith and hope.  It is easy to be faithful when things are going well.  But it is only when lives hang in the balance is the measure of one’s faith truly tested.

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What gives life meaning? The development of our character…

Challenges are what make life interesting; how we overcome them is what makes life meaningful.

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